The answer is “X has gone dark”. The question is “What frustrates me?” I don’t like feeling frustrated.
As a member a geographic team, I communicate with my teammates by either email or phone. Sometimes teammates go dark—they completely stop communicating. Paul went dark recently.
Attempts to contact him by email received no reply, calls to his office phone went unanswered, calls to his cell phone went unanswered, voice messages received no response? Was Paul sick? Was he on vacation? Was he taking quite time? Was he alright?
Several days later he replied to me via email saying he had been stressed and just didn’t have the strength to reply. I know Paul. I like him. He behaved badly
I see Paul differently now. Sadly, I trust him less than before. He may act the same way again.
I would still trust Paul, if he had just sent me a message announcing his intention. Others have.
I am not without fault. I’ve gone dark before. It took time for me to realize the affect that action had on my teammates. Trust is important to me so I now notify my teammates in advance. It’s the courteous, caring thing to do. And I always feel good about taking that action.
Virginia Satir, a family therapy pioneer, said, “Changing is a matter of becoming honest with your feelings.” If you have a similar problem, then work on recognizing your feelings before they trigger “gone dark” behavior. When I start losing the desire to reply to messages, especially from my friends, I know something is happening for me and its time to get honest with my feelings.
Recognition and honesty make choices available to me. I can make an announcement and work at home; I can make an announcement and take a day off; or I can make an announcement and go dark.
My advice is that if you must go dark, go dark loudly.
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