In my last post , I posed the question, “What coping strategies are better than ambivalence and apathy (in a double bind situation)?”
There is nothing wrong with being ambivalent or apathetic about an environment that constantly puts you in a double bind. These coping strategies are reasonable and always available. My question was intended to provoke thinking about whether the choice of a different strategy is possible. My experience says that it is.
I have had the privilege of working for a few people who were outstanding managers. I have also had a manager, Ellsworth, who was a real stinker. No matter how great my work, Ellsworth would tell me that it wasn’t good enough. At the time, I thought he was a complete idiot. I now believe that in his heart Ellsworth was trying to motivate me.
Ellsworth’s misguided attempts at motivating me were ineffective. I went from enthusiastic to ambivalent to apathetic. And I tried to put a good face on this a situation because I needed the paycheck.
During Ellsworth’s reign, I happened to join a yearlong Systems Effectiveness Management (SEM) program led by Jerry Weinberg. Seven women and seven men who worked at different companies and supported each others lives both professional and personal. This experience showed me the power of a support group.
If Ellsworth was my only source of feedback about my performance and capabilities, then I was going to be in a constant double bind. With feedback from Don, Johanna, Bob and the other SEM members, I got a different perspective, which didn’t leave me in a double bind.
Ellsworth’s feedback became irrelevant and as well as the paycheck from that company.
So, if you are in a bad situation, create a means for gaining feedback from someone whose opinion you value more than your manager’s.
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